


Rumour Mill

by glacialphoenix



Category: Final Fantasy IV
Genre: Community: ff_land, Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-06 19:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glacialphoenix/pseuds/glacialphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baron's rumour mill is very active. Kain disapproves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rumour Mill

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zerrat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zerrat/gifts).



_(pre-game)_

**I**

Apparently Rosa has died numerous times from Cecil’s unholy touch.

Presumably she made an excellent recovery.

**II**

Yes, the proper application of nail polish is indeed part of mandatory dragoon training. Mismatched colours are truly the bane of a dragoon’s existence.

**III**

While I am aware that mere mortals have to contend with the ordeals of helmet hair, I highly doubt Cecil achieves his minor miracle through sacrificing the blood of a newborn child.

Blood stains far too badly for hair that shade.

**IV**

The spear is not compensation.

**V**

Missive to Dragoons:

There will be no bets on whether it is not also advertisement.

**VI**

Second Missive to Dragoons:

Attempts to confirm length of aforementioned spear with Lord Captain Cecil Harvey are not appreciated. (And quite futile.)

**VII**

Overheard castle gossip. Compiled list of people I have supposedly kissed:

Cecil.  
Also Cecil.  
The fourth cousin of the cook’s assistant’s younger sister’s husband. (I was quite unaware her husband actually existed.)  
The archfiend of wind. (What an utterly charming notion.)  
Still more Cecil.  
Rosa.  
A... _chocobo_?

Lies and calumny, all.

...Except for Rosa, but it was her hand.

**VIII**

Asked Cecil if he knew anything about the rumours flying about Baron Castle.

“No, I’d not been aware until you told me. Is there something I ought to know, Kain?”

Damn.

I’d have done better not to ask. Cecil would of course not have noticed; he’s (still) far too concerned with killing Rosa (again) with his unholy touch.

The White Mages should question her on the secret of perpetual resurrection.

**IX**

“Well sir, we heard you and the Lord Captain were having extra training sessions...Uh. Um. If you know what I mean?”

“No.”

**X**

Note to self: inform rest of Baron that long blond hair is fairly common, and is no reason to assume that I am _that_ mysterious Troian pole dancer.

Neither am I that latest sensation in the maid outfit.

_(post-game)_

**I**

Cecil,

You might wish to educate your men on the meaning of the word ‘bachelor’. There are rumours that you and I are to be put on a ‘bachelor auction’ in order to aid rebuilding efforts. I believe you have a wife now?

\---

Kain,

That would still leave you eligible, would it not?

\---

...Cecil.

You had best be jesting with me.

\---

Kain, it was Rosa’s idea.

\---

...is she bidding?

\---

She won’t say.

**II**

Cecil,

Don’t leave your copies of _Lustful Lali-ho_ where my men can find it.

Does Rosa know?

P.S. Apparently there are rumours about Rosa being the centerfold --?

\---

Kain,

Unfortunately, my friend, said rumours are about as true as the one about us having a nightly threesome. Can you not picture Lady Farrell’s reaction if it were true?

\---

Cecil.

...Nightly threesome?

... _Unfortunately_?

\---

Forget I said anything, Kain.


End file.
